Girls, Girls, Girls
by Tigers and Dragons
Summary: Sasuke's hormones have hit, and at eighteen, he is stuck with only Madara for company. This leads to night excursions and Madara is not pleased. Parody. Rated for sexual references, however does not contain sex scenes.


**Standard Disclaimer. This story is meant as a parody.**

**Rating: T - Sexual references.**

* * *

Madara tapped his foot, impatiently; scowling behind his mask as he waited for the door to open.

_This is the fourth time this week! And it's Tuesday!_ He growled to himself, glancing over at the clock for the hundredth time since the clock struck midnight and he'd taken up his position.

Waiting for the damn, frustrating, _hormonal_, and annoying, only remaining family member of his extinct clan, to arrive back at the base.

_At the rate he's going, there's going to be armies of Uchihas in a few months._ He rolled his eyes, _Damn, horny teenagers!_

The outer door closed. It wasn't a gentle click or a stealthy silence. It was the sound usually associated with the arrival of someone in a place where they're familiar.

Madara's eyes narrowed as he felt the person he had been waiting for approach the door he was glaring at.

The door opened.

"Don't you need beauty sleep, old-timer?"

Madara grunted in annoyance. _Damn, cocky punk!_

"Or are you afraid to go to sleep in case you don't wake up?"

Onyx eyes met onyx eyes, as Madara glared up at the smirking Sasuke.

"Do I even want to know where you've been?"

There was an evil glint in Sasuke's eyes as he leaned against the doorway. "Where do you think I've been?"

"Exercising the only organ in your body that seems to work." Madara spat, completely disgusted with himself for being in this position and angry that Sasuke had placed him in it.

"Hn." Sasuke shrugged and turned to leave.

"If this happens again, Sasuke, I'll remove it."

Sasuke froze, and his eyes widened.

"You wouldn't!"

Madara smirked behind his mask. _That hit him where it hurts._

Sasuke turned around to face him, outlined in the doorway.

"It's as important to you as it is to me." He said evenly, though there was a hint of panic in his eyes.

"And why is that?" Madara asked, surprised and amused by Sasuke's statement.

"I highly doubt _any_ woman is going to let _you_ get her with child."

"You think children are a part of my plan for the world? Why?"

"We won't live forever, no matter how long you've been alive. If there aren't children in your plan, then the Uchiha clan will die with us."

"An interesting concept. However, children are too much of a bother. You are a prime example of this. Do not leave the base again for such petty activities."

"If we had women in the organisation, I wouldn't have to leave." Sasuke retorted, crossing his arms in annoyance. "Why did you have to kill Konan?"

Madara copied the _boy_, crossing his arms as well. "Konan was no longer loyal to the organisation. And I doubt she would have welcomed your advances. As to that other female," he sneered the last word, "getting rid of her was your own fault."

"Hn." And with that, Sasuke stormed from the room. Madara's smirk widened when he heard a door slam shut down the hallway.

* * *

Sasuke managed to make it through the rest of the week, without female aid, but he was quickly running out of patience. He was growing tired of taking cold showers three times a day, of forcing himself to ignore his urgings on missions, of trying to sneak out passed Madara only to spend a couple of hours sitting with an ice pack between his legs.

"Stuff this for a bad joke." He muttered, "I'm going back to Konoha."

He waited until his next mission, and then once he was away from the base, he simply kept walking. It didn't take long before he ran into Naruto, who was overjoyed that Sasuke seemed willing to return to the village.

They walked into Konoha together, with Naruto bouncing with excitement and Sasuke restraining himself from running straight up to the first woman he saw and making out with her.

His restraint paid off when Sakura came running up to him. She stopped in front of him, chest heaving in such an attractive way.

"Sasuke." She whispered and he stepped toward her, only to have her slap him across the face.

"That's for leaving me on the bench." She slapped him again, "That's for staying away and trying to kill us when we came to find you."

He raised a hand to his cheek, staring at her in stunned silence, until she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him to her.

"I'm so glad you're back." She whispered into his hair, pressing herself into his chest, holding onto him like she would never let go. Sasuke closed his eyes in bliss, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in tighter. In his head, a chibi Sasuke was running around in circles squealing and yelling at his good luck.

"Ah, Sakura? You might want to let him go."

Sasuke's eyes snapped open and he jerked upright at the sound of Kiba's voice. He looked around, pinpointing the Inuzuka and eyeing him with disgust, anger and a vicious intent for violence.

"Why, Kiba?" Sakura asked him curiously, pulling away from Sasuke as far as she could. He refused to release her and she looked up at his face in concern.

"Mind your own business, Inuzuka." Sasuke snarled.

"No, I won't." Kiba snarled back, "Not when you smell like a bitch in heat!"

"WHAT?" The growing crowd of shinobi yelled, gazes swinging between Kiba and Sasuke. Akamaru growled lowly and Sasuke stiffened, then Sakura's face went red and she tried to push Sasuke away. His grip tightened and he looked down at her, activating his sharingan.

"Where are you going, Sakura?" he growled.

"Sasuke, I think you should calm down." She said, shifting in his arms, in an attempt to free herself.

"That isn't helping." He whispered huskily, before leaning in and pressing kisses across her face. Sakura's blush grew darker, her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open, giving Sasuke the opportunity he was looking for. Disregarding the increasing number of villagers and shinobi, Sasuke swooped in and began enjoying himself. Sakura let out little shrieks and squeals, which were quickly replaced by moans and pants.

"Sakura!" Naruto yelled, trying to break the two apart only to have Sasuke hit him, sending him flying out of the crowd, while Sasuke returned his attention to Sakura.

But his momentary lapse brought Sakura back to her senses and she pulled away from him. He growled, pulling her closer and attempting to continue. Until Sakura raised her knee.

Every male in the vicinity flinched and groaned as Sasuke crumpled to the ground, curling around his injury. He looked up at her in shock and pain, tears already gathering in his eyes.

"Sakura? Why?"

She didn't reply and his last thought as his consciousness fled was: _she has definitely grown up_.

* * *

He woke up on a hard cot, in an underground cell, with a flickering fluorescent light. He groaned, his hands tentatively investigating the dull throbbing between his legs as he sat up.

"He's awake, sir." A voice stated from behind the door. He waited, impatiently, for the door to open.

Kakashi stepped in, followed by Inoichi, with Ibiki blocking the doorway.

"Sasuke, it's good to have you back, but we are a little concerned as to your motives." Inoichi greeted him.

Sasuke stared up at them, wincing when he shifted on the cot.

"I see Sakura didn't hold back." Kakashi said lightly.

"Why would she do that?" Sasuke asked plaintively. The three older men shrugged.

"Women." They stated, in the same exasperated tone.

"So, why have you returned?" Ibiki asked.

Sasuke thought about it, remaining silent for a while. If he told them the real reason, they would either: laugh and lock him up, groan and lock him up or torture him for the "real reason" and lock him up. It didn't seem to matter; he was going to be locked up.

So he shrugged, "Women."

"Ah."

"I see."

"Hmm."

He glanced around their faces, surprised by the different responses to his statement. Ibiki's facial expression didn't change. Inoichi nodded then turned to Kakashi. Kakashi's eye was shining and he seemed ready to give him an exuberant hug.

"Get a hold of yourself, man." Inoichi grabbed Kakashi's shoulder and pulled him back.

"Kakashi, please leave." Ibiki said, ushering the Jounin out of the cell and closing the door.

Once it was only the three of them in the room, Ibiki and Inoichi focussed on Sasuke. He attempted to activate the sharingan, only to find that his chakra was completely cut off from him.

"This is for your own good, boy."

* * *

What followed was six months of mental and chemical therapy, with the intent to clear his system of the abundance of testosterone and edit his brain to make him less likely to jump the first female he saw.

Ibiki would spend hours every couple of days, sitting opposite him at a table, working his own system of interrogation and behaviour reform. Inoichi had Sasuke thinking that he had been neutered for two weeks, which left the poor adolescent in depression for over a month. And each morning his cell was inspected by Tsume, and she would inevitably leave and shake her head, stating he was not ready yet.

At the end of the six months, Tsunade, herself, visited him in his cell. He looked up at her, no longer arrogant.

"Please, may I see Sakura now?" he asked in a small, plaintive voice.

Taken aback by the change in attitude, Tsunade consulted Tsume who nodded.

Sasuke was led out of the cell, down the hallway to an open room. As he entered, he caught sight of Sakura sitting at a table. When she noticed his entrance, Sakura jumped up from the table and ran across the room towards him.

His eyes widened, his mouth fell open and a spout of blood exited his nose as chibi Sasuke screamed "BOOBIES!"

Before the two could make contact, Sasuke was hauled back out of the room and returned to his cell for another six months.

* * *

**Author's Note: I repeat, this is a PARODY! That means that the characters are OUT OF CHARACTER!  
**

**Michael Dylan Whittaker, you have been forgiven. You don't have to leave another review telling me how sorry you are. However, please do consider creating an account (it's free afterall and isn't difficult) so that we can have these conversations in private, where they belong.  
**


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